hospital.

I'm sitting here in the hospital as sounds of the KU game echo in the background; I look at my dear friend laying in the bed and whose hand I have been holding much of the day.  Every so often he wakes up and put his arms out as a way of telling me that he wants a hug.  As I bend down to give him one, he whispers "I love you."

You see, this dear friend that I talking about it not like you and I.  In fact, there hasn't been a day in his life that he hasn't seen adversity; strange looks; suffering and challenges.  He is incredibly special.  And I feel lucky to know him.

He has his own family, but they have very little interest in his life.  To him, those of us sitting around his hospital bed are his family.  If you could see us now you wouldn't think we looked anything alike, but if you looked much deeper than that, you would realize that we do.

I have always known that my life would be spent helping people like my dear friend find a better way of life; a sense of meaning in this world the rejects them; and love; but it has never been more clear than today they are, in fact, helping me.

fight another day.

Even when your heart's been broken
He'll be there with His arms wide open.
Be strong and His love will lead you to fight another day.
--Addison Road

one of those days.

They say that time can heal anything, but I wonder how much time they are talking about.  Nothing has gotten easier; if anything, time has made everything more real and more painful.  I'm starting to wonder if this old adage holds any truth to it.  Does time really heal anything?  Or do we just get used to the fact that things are never going to be the same?  Will the pain really go away?  I have found no comfort in time. It hasn't told me that everything is going to be okay.  It hasn't handed me a tissue when I'm crying.  It hasn't promised me that tomorrow the pain will be gone.  If anything, it has slowed down to the point that I find myself begging the clock to turn to the next minute.  Time has not shown me it's mercy.  Yet.

Despite all of this, and my willingness to forgive Father Time, I know that I will be okay. Eventually time will be my friend again, but until then, it's just 'One Of Those Days.'

i. love. fall.

everything i love about fall....

pumpkin spice latte. pumpkin pie. pumpkin bread.  pumpkin muffins.  pumpkins.  sleeping with my windows open.  snuggling under the covers.  jogging with a long sleeve t-shirt.  sweaters.  leggings.  cool, crisp mornings.  bath and body works leaves candle.  colors of the changing leaves.  falling leaves.  apple ciders.  caramel apples.  thanksgiving.  october.  the farmers market.  bond fires.  extra blankets on the bed.  homemade soups.  red, orange, yellow, brown. wearing my slippers around the house.  walking my dog.

Plans.

I'm wondering how much you are missing me right now.  Or if you have even thought about me today.  I have no idea how you and I have gotten to this point.  When did it go from being so passionate about each other to thinking about giving it all up?  I don't understand why love is not enough.  It should be enough; it should sustain two people during the times when everything else seems around them has become difficult and out of reach. 

I can still remember the first time that we met; I have NEVER been so nervous in my life, scared that I was about to meet my future; the man that God had created for me to love the rest of the days of my life.  I remember seeing you in Chicago at my brother's wedding.  It was like a dream when you were standing there in front of me; that was the very moment I knew I loved you. 

My feelings for you have not wavered but somehow our relationship has. There is no easy way around it now.  I am begging God for answers; but only hear the noises of grasshoppers outside my window.  They offer me nothing more than a quick distraction from all the thoughts running through my head.  I can't stop the constant of drops coming from my eyes any more than I can stop the leaves from changing colors in the Fall. 

I know that God has a plan for my life; He has a plan for your life; but what plans does He have for us together?

Need You Now.

" Now, this is all that I am; here with my outstretched hands.  Cause I really need you. I know that I need you now."  --Addison Road, "Need You Now"

I sit here.  Weak. Defeated. Brokenhearted. Scared. Alone.

I don't understand You.  I don't know what You want me to do.  So I sit here in silence. I hardly know what to say to You.  I do know that You understand my tears; You understand my heart. 

You have NEVER failed me before.  I need You.  Now. 

Even when I feel this way, I have never felt more loved by You. 

2 Timothy 1:9

For God saved us and called us to live a holy life. He did this, not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan from before the beginning of time - to show us his grace through Christ Jesus. --2 Timothy 1:9

Two Weeks.

Only two more weeks until Peru!!  We had a missions dinner tonight to get to know everyone better, and my heart was starting to get very hopeful of what is in store.  These next two weeks are going to fly by and I hope that I can prepare myself and my heart for the joy that God is going to bring.  Praying that I am ready for this adventure.

Sick.

Been sick the last couple days.  Going to get back on the horse, in reference to my blog, tomorrow.  You can expect something profound.  Life-changing.  Earth-shattering.  Or something not so epic.  Either way, just except a blog : )

Captivating Women.

An excerpt from "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge:

"You are a woman.  An image bearer of God.  The Crown of Creation.  You were chosen before time and space, and you are wholly and dearly loved.  You are sought after, pursued, romanced, the passionate desire of your Fiance, Jesus.  You are dangerous in your beauty and your life-giving power.  And you are needed.

As a woman who had been ransomed and redeemed, you can be strong and tender.  You speak to the world of God's mercy, mystery, beauty, and his desire for intimate relationship.  You are inviting, you can risk being vulnerable, offering the weight of your life as well as your need for more because you are safe in God's love.  You labor with God to bring forth life--in creativity, in work, in others.  Your aching, awakened heart leads you to the the feet of Jesus, where you wait on him and wait for him. The eyes of his heart are ever upon you.  The King is captivated by your beauty.  

We need you.  We need you to awaken to God more fully and to awaken to the desires of the heart that he placed within you so that you will come alive to him and to the role that is your to play.  Perhaps you are mean to to be a concert musician or a teacher.  Perhaps you are meant to be a neurologist or a horse trainer.  Perhaps you are to be an activist for ecology or the poor or the aged or the ill.  You are certainly called to be a woman, wherever else he leads you.  

And this is crucial, dear heart.  Whatever your particular calling, you are meant to grace the world with your dance, to follow the lead of Jesus wherever he leads you.  He will lead you first into himself; and then, with him, he will lead you into the world that he loves and need you to love."

Attitude.

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.

Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes.  --Charles Swindoll

Peru is quickly approaching.

I'm headed to Peru in less than a month!  I haven't been as excited as I thought I would be; I think the fact that it was months away it didn't make it seem realistic.  But now that I only have weeks left until I leave, the excitement that I was expecting is setting in.  God has been more than faithful to me, and shown His love for me and His Kingdom in enormous ways!!  I can't even imagine what He has in store me for; I know that I am going to walk away with so much more from this experience than anyone that I meet.  It's funny how a "missions" trip works; you go to serve others, show the love of Jesus, expecting that they will walk away with Eternity set in their hearts, but much of the time, the exact opposite happens.  In fact, the ones that go to show the love of Jesus, are actually the ones that get shown the love of a King in ways they never thought possible.  As much as I am looking forward to serving, I am, selfishly, looking forward to having His love revealed to me in deeper way.  : )

Praying for Patience.

I had absolutely NO patience tonight. None.  I'm not really sure why; I have no good reason; I just didn't have any.  It was not a pretty sight, or enjoyable for anyone.  I'm praying for better patience tomorrow.  Because I feel sorry for anyone that run into me when I'm having an off day.  

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. --Jeremiah 29:11


What a beautiful reminder.  I needed that.  A lot. 

Long Overdue Blog.

This blog is long overdue.  I have failed to blog for the last 4 days as some of my faithful followers have made known to me, several times.  There has been a lot going on.  My grandma's funeral was on Thursday.  It was a very beautiful service; it defined her Christian faith in a lovely light.  Sad to say, I was not as close to her as I would of liked to be in her later life, but I never doubted that she loved the Lord.  She suffered from Alzheimer's, and robbed her of the ones that loved her.  I cannot tell you how relieved I am that she is not longer in pain, and her mind is perfectly restored.  She is reunited with a husband that that she waited until Eternity to meet again.  


During her eulogy, as my aunt gave an account of her life; there was a part that I never knew about my grandma, and what kind of woman she was.  My grandpa served in the military, and was to be stationed in the Philippines.  Just days before he was set to leave, my grandma took a train across the country to Washington, where my grandpa was, married him, watched him get shipped off, and returned home, to wait for him.  To wait for him for 4 years!  I cannot even fathom that.  It's hard enough for me to wait for my special someone for 3 weeks, and we get all of the benefits of technology.  The only thing my grandma had to hang on to was to wait for a letter.  She continued doing this until he returned safely 4 years later.  I cannot even imagine how much strength, courage, patience, and FAITH it took.  My grandma completely relied on the Lord to pull her though.  What an amazing test of faith.  My prayer is that I can have that kind of faith.  She left a beautiful legacy.  I sit here and wonder what people will say about me when I go Home.  I hope that people look back on my life, and first and foremost, see the love that I have for the Lord.  I could not think of a better compliment to my life.  


I have a lot of work to do...

Temporary Home.

Grab a Kleenex, and check out this video by Carrie Underwood.  SO good!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LraOiHUltak

Home Again.

Headed home tomorrow.  Very excited to see all of my family.   Despite the circumstances, I am looking forward to this.

Everlasting Life.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." --Matthew 5:4


My grandma passed away; it was a blessing, considering how much pain she was in and that fact that she didn't know who anyone was.  But is still doesn't diminish the sting of death.  However, its a relief to know that she is with the Lord, perfectly restored, dancing in the streets of Heaven, surrounded by the love of the King.  It puts a smile on my face and a comfort in my heart knowing that she is living in Everlasting Life; forever. 

Spring.

Just spent a beautiful afternoon taking a walk with a dear friend.  The weather today was gorgeous; and the company was even better.  It was great to take in this amazing weather and just spend some quality time catching up.  I am SO excited for Spring and everything that entails.  Flowers. Fresh cut grass. Sunshine.  Long walks.  Picnics. Thunderstorms.   Very much looking forward to what this Spring will bring : )

A Quick Trip Home.

I made a quick trip home.  It was really nice to be there; very relaxing.  It was very needed after the Friday that I had.  It's amazing how therapeutic a trip home can be.  I should consider going more often.

Frustration.

Today was an extremely frustrating day for me.  There are different variables that contributed to make this a frustrating day; just know that my attitude did NOT help my day get any better.  To be frank, it stunk, just about as bad as Presley's breath.  I have come to realize that I need a lot of help in this area.  I have a lot of things to be thankful for; I should be thinking about my blessings.


"Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes."  --Ephesians 4:23 

Best Friend.

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.  The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.  ~Henri Nouwen


So excited to spend an evening with my best friend at the Matt Wertz concert.  We have a lot to catch up on; this is a long overdue reunion.

Sleep.

I get to sleep in tomorrow!!  Oh, the small things : )

Peace.

I am seeking for peace.  A peace will consume me and rule in my life.  I know that the Lord has great plans for my life; it just all seems so scary at times.  It's scary to know that I have no control; that I am not the one that decides what happens in my life; that I am not the one that reigns.  But in way, it is comforting.  Knowing that I am the one that does not have control, but filled with the knowledge that the One does have control.  It's really a weird emotion that I am feeling.  My heart is joyful that I will continued to be sustained with this peace and that it will get me through tomorrow.  And the next day.  And the next.

Home.

Back home.  Mixed emotions.  Apprehension.  Relief.  Fear.  Concern.  Worry.  Peace.  Happiness.  Joy.  Bittersweet.     

Zoo.

I am going to the zoo today.  Check that one off my list : )  More to come soon....

For Emily.

Are ya happy??  I blogged : )

March Madness.

I love all of this madness.  March Madness, that is!!

lllloooonnnngggg day.

Today was a long day.  And this is what I felt like like. A beached whale.  I'm ready for Thursday.

Missing You.

I miss my someone special.  A lot.  

Worry.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

--Matthew 6:25-27

I had an overwhelming feeling in my heart today, as there seems to be areas in my life that seems really uncertain.  Areas that are causing worry and are unsettling to me.  I needed to know that God had not forgotten me, and He is in control, even when things feel out of control.  I looked this verse up and what a sweet relief :)  My King cares for the birds, why would He forget about his beloved daughter??  He would not, does not, and will NEVER forget to take care of me.  I had peace flood through my heart after reading this.  He grabbed my hand through this verse and gently reminded me that He is in control and to cast all of my burdens on Him.  Simply beautiful.  

GRACE.

The last 2 months at church, the sermon has been about GRACE.  Our pastor has done a great job of drilling into our brains, almost to the point of it being the only thing I can think about, what GRACE means.  So, let me fill you with the knowledge of what I have had the pleasure of learning. 
G=God's gift to me (Romans 3:24)
R=Received by faith (Ephesians 2:8-9)
A=Available to everyone (Romans 10:13)
C=Comes through Christ (John 1:17)
E=Extended through eternity (Romans 6:23)
I challenge you, dear friends, to look up those verses.  And I also challenge you to extend GRACE to everyone around you.  You have a great opportunity to be the face of Jesus to someone who might otherwise be over looked.  To someone who might not feel loved.  To someone who is desperate for our God that won't judge them.  Maybe that someone is you.  I know there have been many times when that someone was me.  GRACE is a beautiful thing.  It steps in when the world is stepping out.  It gives you a hand to hold when you can't stand on your own.  It offers you love when you don't deserve it.  Be a living example of GRACE. :)

Abandoning My Own.

This weekend has been many things. Exciting. Fun. Tiresome. Loving. A relief. Reassuring. Real. It was exactly what I needed.  It has only solidified the fact that God knows me and searches me, loves me, and longs to give me the desires of heart.  It continues to amaze me that He knows what I want, need, desire, and has given me SO much more than I could of picked out, hoped for, searched for, and longed for if I was trying to do this with my own strength.  He loves this broken and flawed daughter of a King with a love that is not adequate for words, nor able to measured against.  He has given me more, so much more, than this heart could of possibly imagined.  He has given me a blessing that might have been over looked if I was searching with my own eyes.  He has given me a sense of love that might of been lost if I was not trusting the One.  He loves me so much that He is teaching me to trust, love, and believe in His plan; and abandoning my own.  

Tired.

More to come tomorrow.  I'm tired.  Until then, just know that I'm extremely happy :)

Learning New Things.

I learned to play Yahtzee tonight.  I like learning new things :)

A Gift From God.

I can't wait until tomorrow :)  Something good is coming my way.  It is nothing that I deserve; or can even fathom why I am so blessed.  All I know is that it is a gift from God.  

Great Power and Mighty Strength.

My heart hurts for a situation that I have no control over.  But it affects me in a lot of ways.  I am trying to remember just how big my God is; trying to remember that He is the one in control; trying to remember that He has moved mountains, and He would do it again for me.  And for you.  

Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:

Who created all these? 

He who brings out the starry host one by one, 

and calls them each by name. 

Because of his great power and mighty strength, 

not one of them is missing.

Isaiah 40:26

A Good Workout.

I can't think of much else that can make me feel like a good workout does.  :)

Isaiah 43:25

This was such a beautiful reminder to me:


"I—yes, I alone—will blot out your sins for my own sake and will never think of them again." --Isaiah 43:25

Converstaions.

Today was full of wonderful, insightful conversations with some very lovely people. They were full of gabbing about God, love, and the future.  There is nothing better than having a conversation and leaving, knowing that you feel hopeful, inspired, and better about yourself because of what the other person just shared.  I walked away from each conversation today feeling exactly that. :)

Family.

The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.
-- Erma Bombeck

What is more important to you than God??

At my woman's Bible study this evening, this question was posed: "What is more important to you than God?  What is something, that if God took it away from you, that you don't think you could get over or forgive Him for?"  As this question was being asked, I was completely taken aback.  I had never really thought about it before.  There are certain things that would be really hard for me to give up; my dog being a very good example.  But what is the one thing in my life that is more important to me than God?  And why?  I am called to love my God with complete abandonment, but how often does that really happen?  How often am I really pouring myself, all of me, into the God that loves me so much?  All those questions make me really uncomfortable because I know my shortcomings and the struggles I face.  I use those, all too often, as a way to keep from giving my everything to my King.  I don't want to live that way; instead I want to live with abandonment and without reservation to love the Creator with all my heart; not putting my family, friends, or even my dog first.  I want to know, that if asked by the One, that I could walk away, not without great, great sadness, and reach out my hand to Him so He can lead me towards Beautiful.  


So my question for you, my friends, is, "What is more important to you than God?  What things in your life do you need to give to God?"  Remember what a mighty God we serve.  :)

Rock Chalk Jayhawks.

I love me some Jayhawks :)

Romance.

I am in a small group that meets every Tuesday.  Currently we are reading the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge.  Tonight's topic was about romance.  Many times we think of romance being between two people in love, a husband and wife.  The book made some very valid points about how we are romanced by God.  He wants to chase after us, and call us His own.  He is jealous for a relationship with us, an intimate relationship.  One of the questions posed tonight was, "How does God romance you?"  Many of the answers were, "through nature, the sunset/sunrise, the stars."  And good answers they were because I KNOW that God uses many of those things to win me over.  But I also think that God uses normal, everyday people to romance us.  He uses them to show us things about ourself that we would not of discovered has we not meet them.  Many times I think that they only way God can get through to us is through our interactions with those around us. We all go through seasons when we struggle, or may not feel up to par.  I have been in a season for awhile now where I struggle to see myself through God's eyes.  I long to see myself as He does: beautiful. worthy. beautiful. forgiven. beautiful. unique. beautiful. loved. beautiful.  Both inside and out.  Lately, I have never felt more beautiful and wanted by the Creator of the universe.  The only way He could reach me was through another person believing that I am beautiful.  I have learned that God will continue to seek me, love me, and stop at no cost to get His point across.  He will even send a much needed, undeserved blessing to demonstrate His love for me.  

How is God romancing you??

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing

I keep thinking about a hymn that we sang in church on Sunday.  It is very rare that you mind me humming a hymn while doing the dishes, or driving to work, but this has been stuck in my head.  The words are so powerful and true.  It incredible that a song can be penned in 1757 and still ring true in my life today.  God is the same today, yesterday, and tomorrow.  Below are the lyrics to verse 3 and 4.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,

Wandering from the fold of God;

He, to rescue me from danger,

Interposed His precious blood;

How His kindness yet pursues me

Mortal tongue can never tell,

Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me

I cannot proclaim it well.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

I think about how many times my heart wants to wander from the God I love.  Why would I ever want to leave my King?  He is the fount of every blessing.  Here's my heart; take and seal it.  

He wants you.

God wants to live this life together with you, to share in your days and decisions, your desires and disappointments.  He wants intimacy with you in the midst of the madness and mundane, the meetings and memos, the laundry and lists, the carpools and conversations and projects and pain.  He wants to pour his love into your heart and he longs to have you pour yours into his.  He wants your deep heart, the center place within that is your truest you.  He is not interested in intimacy with the person you think you are supposed to be.  he want intimacy with the real you.  


--"Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge

Today Was A Fairytale.

Today Was A Fairytale

by Taylor Swift

Today was a fairytale
You were the prince
I used to be a damsel in distress
You took me by the hand and you picked me up at six
Today was a fairytale

Today was a fairytale

Today was a fairytale
I wore a dress
You wore a dark grey t-shirt
You told me I was pretty when I looked like a mess
Today was a fairytale
Time slows down whenever you're around

But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale

Today was a fairytale
You've got a smile that takes me to another planet
Every move you make everything you say is right
Today was a fairytale
Today was a fairytale
All that I can say is it's getting so much clearer
Nothing made sense until the time I saw your face
Today was a fairytale

Time slows down whenever you're around
Yeah yeah

But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale


Time slows down whenever you're around
I can feel my heart
It's beating in my chest
Did you feel it?
I can't put this down

But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
But can you feel this magic in the air?
It must have been the way you kissed me
Fell in love when I saw you standing there
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale
It must have been the way
Today was a fairytale

i am hopeful.

I. am. nervous. excited. anxious. comfortable. amazed. happy. joyful. thankful. hopeful.
I am ready cowboy.

A Little Pick Me Up.

If you need a little pick me up, or could just use a good laugh, allow me to provide you with a little entertainment :)  enjoy, my friends!

You are loved.

I wrote this for one of my friends today, but figured that it could serve as a reminder to all of us.

You are so loved.  I hope you know that.  If not, then please let me take the time to remind you...you are the daughter/son of the most high King.  There is no greater honor this side of Heaven.  He has personally chosen you and chased after you and made you His own.   He is so in love with you that He sent His only Son, so that you could have life.  He is so in love with you that He flows grace down from Heaven into your heart.  He is so in love with you that He created the sunrise and sunset, the moon and the stars, the oceans and the mountains, as a reminder to you that He makes all things beautiful.  Because you are beautiful.  He requires all of you; even the parts that you try to bury deep within yourself.  He wants all of you so that He can take you in His arms and whisper, "I love you."  He wants you to know that He will walk you through the valleys and push you to the top of the mountain.  He wants you to know that YOU ARE LOVED!

A Beautiful Reminder.

I love the days that I have to be to work at 7am.  It gives me a chance to be up before the world starts it's steady pace of demands.  As I was driving to work this morning, I was caught up in the beauty of the sunrise.  There was an array of orange, red, and pinks splashed across the sky in a the perfect spots.  I know that God painted that sunrise just for me.  It was his way of reminding me that I am loved and that He is still in control.  It was a beautiful reminder.

Find the person...

I have this hanging in my room.  It's too good to be kept to myself.


Find the person that you want to struggle with, fight with, care for, forgive; someone you want to serve, build up, and hangout with.  At the same time, find someone who won't over look your quirks and who will not let you get away  with less than your best.  When life is difficult, this person will put wind beneath you, will stand up for you, will see the best in what you do.  You need someone who will help you discover who you are by supporting you through your mistakes and cheering you on during your victories.  Find the person you would want on your team and whose opinions you value.  Finally, marry someone who draws you closer to your purpose and life-breath and who lifts your up to your Father's hands with his actions and words.


I want this for marriage someday.  I am determined to have this for my marriage someday. :)

Hand Grenade

Everyone should check out the song 'Hand Grenade' by The Almost.  I can't stop listening to it.  It's on constant repeat on my iTunes.  Check it out.  It makes me happy.  Maybe it will make you happy too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDSl_KMGC18

No more shopping....PLEASE!

Well, after one small fight, a pair of shoes, a necklace, a few articles of clothes from a second hand store, 'Crazy Heart' and some pizza and wine, our day is over.  And I am beat down.  Worn out.  Tired.  And don't want to go shopping for at least another month.  I really don't have much else to say.  My midnight deadline to get this posted is approaching.   I want to prove to a certain cowboy that I can get this done in time.  So, with that being said, you owe me 5 dollars for posting this before midnight.  (Sidenote: There was actually no bet made between myself and this cowboy, but I thought I would see if I could get 5 bucks out of him anyway). :)

Girls Weekend :)

My mom is here for the weekend, reaping the gifts of her Christmas present: Girl's Weekend in Lawrence with ME!  I have been looking forward to having my mom come and getting to spend some quality time with her, and maybe get in a few disagreement here and there (it is a must for every mother/daughter relationship).   Tonight we went to get massages and, oh my, that is just what I needed! You really should treat yourself to one every now and then.  Go ahead, just do it, I said it was okay :)  Tomorrow we will do some shopping; which during that time, I am sure that I will have some moments of regret that I included shopping on this weekend excursion.  For those of you that know my mother, she cannot just simply go into a store.  When she goes into a store, it is a requirement, in her mind, that we look at everything in the store.  Now, I am not saying this as anything negative.  I am simply stating this to note the difference in my shopping style versus my mothers.  I am more of a grazer.  I prefer to get in and get out; unless it comes to dresses, which is a weakness, and I will not walk out of the store until, at the very least, and as a last resort, I have looked at, touched and imagined myself in every dress in the store. There is something about putting on a dress that makes a girl feel pretty, and I guess that is where my obsession with buying dresses came from; I feel pretty in a dress.  There, I said it, and I hope you are happy :)  Hmmm....maybe I'll go put on a dress to write the rest of this...

So, after some much needed retail therapy, we will probably go see a movie.  "Which movie?" you might be thinking.  That, my friend, is a good question.  A chick flick is always a given when two women get together.  I'm not really sure why we, woman, love the idea of watching a move that we know is going to make us cry.  But nonetheless, we do! I do!  You do!  And so does she!  However, given the obvious choice of a chick flick (Dear John), a wise man who wears cowboy boots once told me to consider my other options (Crazy Heart).  Since it's my mom's weekend, I'll probably leave the choosing up to her.  

And, of course, good food is going to be involved.  You cannot have a girls weekend without overindulging in some good grub!  Which is exactly what we plan do and then regret it Monday morning when we are headed to the gym at 5am because we ate WAY too much.  (It's a vicious cycle).  

But please don't forget that a girls weekend is not complete until you have sung, even if it is only in the confines of your own head, 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!'by Cyndi Lauper.  With that being said, I going to dream about Cyndi in her incredibly awesome 80's gear and hair the size of America, singing "Oh girls, just wanna have fun...." (sing it with me!)

'The Eyes' continued....

How could I ever 'love shove' this beautiful dog away?!  She does a great job of giving me 'the eyes' which causes me to become a big ball of mush :)

'The Eyes'

I look forward to the same thing everyday when I get home: Presley waiting by the door, tail franticly wagging, ready to greet me.  It never gets old.  After she greets me, she usually follows me around for a good five minutes to see what new smells she can find on me.  By about minute one, I get tired of her sniffing me, so I usually try to push her away.  Today was alittle different.  We went through the same routine, except she would not stop begging me for her attention.  I was starting to get slightly annoyed with this behavior and was about to push her away until she gave me 'the eyes'.  Anyone that has a dog, knows what I am talking about.  For those of you that have not experienced 'the eyes', take note that if you ever do, you must quickly turn the other way before you become a big ball of mush and you get sucked in.  You will know when you become a victim of 'the eyes.'  After Presley gave me 'the eyes', I sat down and gave her the attention that she was demanding of me.  All she wanted was five minutes of my time to be reminded that she was loved and that she was a priority during my busy day.
I think about how many times God has demanded my attention and I have tried to push Him away because I was annoyed, tired, inconvenienced, selfish....
The King of the Universe wants to know that we love Him and that He is priority during my busy day.  Most times, out of selfishness, I turn the other way when He is demanding any part of me.  I refuse to continue down this path of selfishness but will, instead, walk towards Beautiful.
(For all you animal lovers, Presley was not, nor has she ever been, injured when I have pushed her away.  It is more of a loving shove, than a push.)

Romans 8:38-39

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”- Romans 8:38-39

Fear

Taken from the book "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge:
"The Evil One had a hand in all that has happened to you.  If he didn't arrange for the assault directly---and certainly human sin has a large enough role to play---then he made sure he drove the message of the wounds home into your heart.  He is the one who has dogged your heels with shame and self-doubt and accusation.  He is the one who offers the false comforters to you in order to deepen your bondage.  He is the one who has done these things in order to prevent your restoration.  For that is what he FEARS.  He FEARS who you are; what you are; what you might become.  He FEARS your beauty and your life-giving heart.
And so, dear heart, it is time for your restoration.  For there is One greater than your Enemy.  One who has sought you our from the beginning of time.  He has come to heal your broken heart and restore your feminine soul.  Let us turn now to him."


I want to be FEARED by my Enemy.  I want him to cower down every time I speak.  I want him to run in the other direction when I wake up in the morning.  I want him stand captivated by the beauty of my heart.  I want the Evil One to FEAR my restoration.

Emergency Room :(

I just got back from spending 5 hours in the ER with one of my consumers (for those of you that have a heart, he is fine!).  Talk about fun :)  I am tired and going to bed so I can be up in about 5 hours to go back to work.  Sometimes I don't like being a grown up....

69 years of marriage...

Today after church, a group of us went to a nursing home in town to spend Valentine's Day with the residents.  It was a very unique and wonderful experience.  Dancing, crowing a king and queen, food, and conversation was all involved.  The first half of my experience was rather....interesting.  After having a very inappropriate conversation and being practically felt up by one of the male residents (none of the inappropriate conversation or  being felt up was done by me, by the way), I met a very lovely couple, Lucy and Clarence.   You couldn't help up notice them when you walked in.  Clarence was in a wheelchair because of a missing leg, and he sat there staring off.  Lucy was right next to him, holding his hand.  It was a beautiful scene.  However, after talking with them, you began to truly see how beautiful it was.  Lucy and Clarence have been married for 69 years!  69 years!!!  They told us about how they had suffered many things during their marriage but they came out standing....together.  Lucy did most of the talking because it was hard for Clarence to talk.  As she was talking about their life together, Clarence just sat there, nodding his head to agree with her.  You could see how much they still loved each other, even after 69 years of marriage.  I pray that when I do find the person I marry, that we can continue to love each other more and more each year....hopefully even 69 years later!  Lucy and Clarence brought hope to a heart that needed to be reminded that even after 69 years of marriage, God will sustain a marriage that seeks His face, together.

After a wonderful afternoon with our new friends, some of my wonderful friends came over to celebrate my birthday with cake!  It was great to be with them all, to talk, laugh, and just enjoy each other.  After cake, they presented me with a present....of a $215 for my missions trip to Peru!  I was completely blown away by their generosity and love for me.  I cannot put into words how blessed I am.  God once again has been more than faithful to me, with the most amazing friends AND by proving to me (over and over) how powerful He is!  
"But I will reveal my name to my people, and they will come to know its power. Then at last they will recognize that it is I who speaks to them" --Isaiah 52:6    I am so glad that He is on my side :)  What more could a girl ask for on her birthday?!