sunset.

I wanna run away with you at sunset.....

hospital.

I'm sitting here in the hospital as sounds of the KU game echo in the background; I look at my dear friend laying in the bed and whose hand I have been holding much of the day.  Every so often he wakes up and put his arms out as a way of telling me that he wants a hug.  As I bend down to give him one, he whispers "I love you."

You see, this dear friend that I talking about it not like you and I.  In fact, there hasn't been a day in his life that he hasn't seen adversity; strange looks; suffering and challenges.  He is incredibly special.  And I feel lucky to know him.

He has his own family, but they have very little interest in his life.  To him, those of us sitting around his hospital bed are his family.  If you could see us now you wouldn't think we looked anything alike, but if you looked much deeper than that, you would realize that we do.

I have always known that my life would be spent helping people like my dear friend find a better way of life; a sense of meaning in this world the rejects them; and love; but it has never been more clear than today they are, in fact, helping me.

fight another day.

Even when your heart's been broken
He'll be there with His arms wide open.
Be strong and His love will lead you to fight another day.
--Addison Road

one of those days.

They say that time can heal anything, but I wonder how much time they are talking about.  Nothing has gotten easier; if anything, time has made everything more real and more painful.  I'm starting to wonder if this old adage holds any truth to it.  Does time really heal anything?  Or do we just get used to the fact that things are never going to be the same?  Will the pain really go away?  I have found no comfort in time. It hasn't told me that everything is going to be okay.  It hasn't handed me a tissue when I'm crying.  It hasn't promised me that tomorrow the pain will be gone.  If anything, it has slowed down to the point that I find myself begging the clock to turn to the next minute.  Time has not shown me it's mercy.  Yet.

Despite all of this, and my willingness to forgive Father Time, I know that I will be okay. Eventually time will be my friend again, but until then, it's just 'One Of Those Days.'

i. love. fall.

everything i love about fall....

pumpkin spice latte. pumpkin pie. pumpkin bread.  pumpkin muffins.  pumpkins.  sleeping with my windows open.  snuggling under the covers.  jogging with a long sleeve t-shirt.  sweaters.  leggings.  cool, crisp mornings.  bath and body works leaves candle.  colors of the changing leaves.  falling leaves.  apple ciders.  caramel apples.  thanksgiving.  october.  the farmers market.  bond fires.  extra blankets on the bed.  homemade soups.  red, orange, yellow, brown. wearing my slippers around the house.  walking my dog.

Plans.

I'm wondering how much you are missing me right now.  Or if you have even thought about me today.  I have no idea how you and I have gotten to this point.  When did it go from being so passionate about each other to thinking about giving it all up?  I don't understand why love is not enough.  It should be enough; it should sustain two people during the times when everything else seems around them has become difficult and out of reach. 

I can still remember the first time that we met; I have NEVER been so nervous in my life, scared that I was about to meet my future; the man that God had created for me to love the rest of the days of my life.  I remember seeing you in Chicago at my brother's wedding.  It was like a dream when you were standing there in front of me; that was the very moment I knew I loved you. 

My feelings for you have not wavered but somehow our relationship has. There is no easy way around it now.  I am begging God for answers; but only hear the noises of grasshoppers outside my window.  They offer me nothing more than a quick distraction from all the thoughts running through my head.  I can't stop the constant of drops coming from my eyes any more than I can stop the leaves from changing colors in the Fall. 

I know that God has a plan for my life; He has a plan for your life; but what plans does He have for us together?

Need You Now.

" Now, this is all that I am; here with my outstretched hands.  Cause I really need you. I know that I need you now."  --Addison Road, "Need You Now"

I sit here.  Weak. Defeated. Brokenhearted. Scared. Alone.

I don't understand You.  I don't know what You want me to do.  So I sit here in silence. I hardly know what to say to You.  I do know that You understand my tears; You understand my heart. 

You have NEVER failed me before.  I need You.  Now. 

Even when I feel this way, I have never felt more loved by You.